Kitty Luv
by Me Gots No Name
Summary: The innocent question that started this: What if Cait Sith had a crush on Yuffie? Bits of OOC~ness, done mainly to get a cheap laugh. *Finished*
1. Fortune Telling & Chinese Food

Kitty Luv  
  
By Me Gots No Name  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII…or the idea for this fanfic. I stole it from my younger sister. (Gee, ain't I nice?)  
  
It was another peaceful day at the Gold Saucer. Cait Sith was on a roll. 15 lucky customers with good fortunes in one hour!  
  
Cait Sith: Be sure to tell your friends!  
  
*Mog starts ringing like alarm clock.*  
  
Cait Sith: Yay! Break time!  
  
*Cait Sith & Mog leave their post. Out of boredom, they decide to go to the fortune~telling machine.*  
  
Machine: A beautiful thief will come & steal your heart away. Make sure she doesn't take your materia, too. Your lucky number is 16.  
  
Cait Sith: *Scoffs* Like that'll ever happen…  
  
*At Shinra HQ, in Reeve's Satellite Room…*  
  
Reno: Hey Reeve! Whacha doin'?  
  
Reeve: Get out of here unless you brought beer.  
  
*Reno holds up six~pack.*  
  
Reeve: Sit down & hand me a can.  
  
*Obliges*  
  
Reno: So what's with the TV? Is there nuthin' else on?  
  
Reeve: This is my security camera, a mechanical cat riding on a mog who gives fortunes.  
  
Reno: What were you smoking when you came up with that?  
  
Reeve: I was eating takeout from Fu Lin.  
  
Reno: Oh… That sounds good…  
  
*Back at the Gold Saucer…*  
  
Cait Sith: Look, Moggy! Lucky Customer #16 is coming!  
  
Who will be Lucky Customer #16? Why are Reeve & Reno acting like drinking buddies & talking about Chinese food? Does anyone care? Find out (or not) in our next exciting installment! 


	2. What happens when you charge on the comp...

*In Reeve's Satellite Room…*  
  
Reno: Pass the soy sauce…  
  
*The room is full of open boxes of takeout from Fu Lin. Reno & Reeve are working on two of them, each armed with a pair of chopsticks.*  
  
Reeve: Are you sure it's okay to charge this on the company's account?  
  
Reno: Oh yeah! Rude & I do it all the time when we go out to drink.  
  
*In President Rufus's Office…*  
  
Rufus: WHAT THE SWEET SUFFERING %*^( IS THIS $#!+?!?!?!? TSENG!!!!!  
  
Tseng: Must kill Rude…Must kill Reno…Must kill Rude…Must kill Reno…  
  
*At the Saucer…*  
  
Cait Sith: Hey Cloud? Can I ask you a question?  
  
Cloud: You just did.  
  
Cait Sith: Uh…okay…Is there anything special about your group of friends?  
  
Cloud: No…  
  
Cait Sith: Oh…'Cause a fortune~telling machine told me my lucky number is 16 & you're my 16th customer, so I thought it would mean something special, but it also said a beautiful thief would steal my heart away & you don't look all that beautiful to me…  
  
Cloud: Shut your mouth or I'll take out your voice box.  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: Your camera don't know how to shut up.  
  
Reeve: Actually, I think one of the girls installed that.  
  
Reno: Probably Elena…  
  
Reeve: Yeah…  
  
*Tseng busts through the door holding a gun.*  
  
What will become of Reeve & Reno, being threatened with a gun by the angry Tseng? Why would Cait Sith go to a fortune~telling machine in the first chapter? Is anyone still reading this? Stay tuned for the next heart~wrenching act! 


	3. Love, or Luv, at 1st sight.

Reno: Hi Tseng. *Holds up box.* Want some General Tso's chicken?  
  
*Tseng gets a varicose vein.*  
  
Tseng: RENO! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!? You're only supposed to charge BUSINESS expenses on the company card.  
  
Reno: That was business. Rude & I were staked out at a bar. The hostess politely offered us a couple of beers, & we just couldn't say no to her.  
  
Tseng: WHAT THE HELL IS ALL OF THIS?!?  
  
Reeve: Lunch.  
  
Tseng: You guys can't eat all of that in one sitting.  
  
Reeve & Reno: Watch us.  
  
*Saucer*  
  
Cloud: Well, here's the rest of the team: Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, Aeris, & Yuffie.  
  
Cait Sith: Wow…  
  
*Cait Sith is staring at Yuffie. His limit break pops up & the slot machine lands on 3 pics of Yuffie. He starts floating just above his mog, hearts swirling around him.*  
  
Tifa: Cait Sith?  
  
Aeris: Yoo~hoo, Cait Sith?  
  
*Cloud plucks one of the hearts out of the air & looks at it. He drops it carelessly on the floor. Red XIII sniffs it & eats it.*  
  
Barret: How's it taste?  
  
Red XIII: Like one of those Valentine's Day hearts…  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: Hey Reeve, man. What's up with the little hearts? Valentine's Day was months ago.  
  
Reeve: Dunno…  
  
*Screen starts blinking violently.*  
  
Reeve: What's going on?!?  
  
Why is Reeve's screen blinking violently? Why'd Red XIII eat the heart Cloud plucked out of the air? Will anyone read if I keep going? Don't touch that dial for the next segment! 


	4. Sledgehammers & Catfights

*Outside, Rufus & Tseng are smashing the main satellite on the roof with sledgehammers.*  
  
Tseng: Well, that's one way to bug them.  
  
Rufus: Yes. *Flips hair.* I come up with the most brilliant ideas.  
  
Tseng: What about when you tried to teach Dark Nation how to fetch the stock report?  
  
Rufus: Let's not go there.  
  
*Tseng gets hit in the head with a rock.*  
  
Tseng: Ow…  
  
*They look down. Scarlet & Elena are down on the ground armed with rocks.*  
  
Elena: What's the big idea? I never said you could throw rocks at my Tseng!  
  
Scarlet: He smashed the satellite right in the middle of my soap!  
  
*Elena throws a rock at Rufus.*  
  
Rufus: Ow…  
  
Scarlet: I never said you could throw rocks at my Rufus!  
  
Elena: He has a sledgehammer too! Besides, we were about to find out if Adrien was sleeping with that hussy Minerva!  
  
*They throw a few more rocks at the other's love interest until Tseng takes cover & Rufus gets hit between the eyes & falls off the roof.*  
  
Scarlet: You %!+(#! You knocked out Rufus!  
  
Elena: You're the %!+(#! You made Tseng run away!  
  
Scarlet: You can't use my symbols!  
  
Elena: I can & will!  
  
*They go at it.*  
  
Rude (who's been watching throught the window): Hey, Hojo! Catfight!  
  
Hojo: Ooh! Who is it?  
  
Rude: The Village Bicycle (Scarlet) versus The Turks' Vexation (Elena).  
  
Hojo: I'll get the popcorn.  
  
Rude: I'll get the booze.  
  
Who will win the catfight? Will Rufus survive his fall off the roof? What does this have to do with the story? All this & more in our next action~packed episode! 


	5. Reno tries to 'fix' the TV & Reeve gets ...

*Saucer*  
  
Yuffie: What?  
  
*Cait Sith's still staring at Yuffie.*  
  
Yuffie: What?!?  
  
Cait Sith: You're pretty…  
  
*Yuffie & others sweatdrop.*  
  
Cloud: O…kay…Well, it's starting to get late. Let's get to bed.  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reeve: Reno, I don't think hitting the TV's gonna help.  
  
*Reno's hitting the TV repeatedly.*  
  
Reno: The picture'll come in any minute now.  
  
Reeve: That's what you said 2 ½ hours ago…  
  
Reno: Just keep quiet & hand me the shrimp fried rice…  
  
*Saucer*  
  
Cait Sith (whispering): Cloud, can I sleep in the girls' room?  
  
Cloud (whispering): You're asking me?  
  
Cait Sith (whispering): Aren't you in charge of who sleeps where?  
  
Cloud (whispering): No…  
  
Cait Sith (whispering): Oh. Okay…  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: Work, damn you, work!  
  
*Smack, smack, smack!*  
  
Reeve: Hold it Reno. I got an idea! I'm going to the supply room. Watch here until I get back.  
  
Reno: Okay…but bring booze!  
  
Will Cait Sith get to sleep in the girls' room? What is Reeve's idea? Why are Reeve & Reno getting so much time in my story? Hang on to your seats for the next chapter! 


	6. Beautiful, Intelligent, & Divine?

*Saucer*  
  
Cait Sith: Hey girls? Could you share the room with me, please?  
  
Yuffie: Why can't you stay with the guys?  
  
Tifa: Red XIII'd probably chase him in his sleep or something.  
  
*In the guys' room…*  
  
Red XIII (in his sleep): Chase da bunny…Chase da bunny…Chase da bunny…  
  
*Back to the girls & Cait Sith…*  
  
Aeris: Okay, you can stay.  
  
Cait Sith: Yay!  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: Ahhh, sweet beer. The best thing to go with Dragon & Phoenix. Hey Reeve? What's with the aluminum foil?  
  
Reeve: We're replacing the satellite Rufus & Tseng smashed.  
  
*Reeve puts on the TV's rabbit ears.*  
  
Reno: You're crazy.  
  
Reeve: Apparently, you've never heard yourself drunk. Now put some of this on.  
  
*Saucer*  
  
Aeris: So Tifa, how long have you known Cloud?  
  
Tifa: Since we were kids, before he went to join SOLDIER.  
  
Yuffie: I would never go off & join something like that. Unless, of course, I could get their materia…  
  
*Cait Sith peeks into the bathroom, where the girls are getting ready for bed.*  
  
Cait Sith: So beautiful…So intelligent…So divine…  
  
What does Reeve plan to do with the aluminum foil & the rabbit ears on his head? Why is Red XIII chasing bunnies in his sleep? Do I look like I know? Read the next installment, if you dare… 


	7. My tribute to 'Salute Your Shorts.'

*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: We look like the wrapped chicken.  
  
Reeve: Shut up & lift your right leg up.  
  
*Reno & Reeve are acting as human satellites to try to fix the reception ala 'Salute Your Shorts.'*  
  
Reno: Is it getting better or worse?  
  
Reeve: Better…Better…Better…  
  
*The picture comes in, showing the girls getting ready for bed. The guys sweatdrop.*  
  
Reno: Is this the right channel?  
  
Reeve: I think so…  
  
*The girls are getting ready to get their nightgowns on.*  
  
Reno (sarcastically): Oh no. They're taking their clothes off in front of the camera.  
  
*Reeve blushes furiously.*  
  
Reno: Little more…Little more…  
  
*Just as the cheesecake is about to be seen, the channel switches to a Spanish soap.*  
  
Reno: NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
TV Actress: Pero…Te amo, Kuro. Te amo…  
  
Reno: What is this crap?!?  
  
Reeve: Shh…Emiliana just told Kuro she loves him.  
  
*Reno sweatdrops.*  
  
Reno: You're as bad as the girls…  
  
*Saucer*  
  
Cait Sith: Oh my goodness, they're taking their clothes off!  
  
*Closes eyes, turns around, & walks away.*  
  
Yuffie: Cait Sith, are ya ready for bed? Do you need to brush your teeth or anything?  
  
*Cait Sith blushes.*  
  
Cait Sith: Oh no…I'm ready for bed…(Cue impure thoughts)  
  
Will Reno ever get to see his cheesecake? How does Reeve know Spanish? Does anyone besides me watch 'Salute Your Shorts'? Be back here for the next episode… 


	8. Goodnight Already!

*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: So what's going on?  
  
Reeve: Emiliana is in love with Kuro, who's in love with his chocobo.  
  
Reno: Messed up…  
  
Reeve: Pass the egg rolls…  
  
*Saucer*  
  
Tifa: Good night, Aeris.  
  
Aeris: Good night, Tifa.  
  
Tifa: Good night, Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: Good night, Tifa.  
  
Tifa: Good night, Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith: Good night, Tifa.  
  
Aeris: Good night, Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: Good night, Aeris.  
  
Aeris: Good night, Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith: Good night, Aeris.  
  
Yuffie: Good night, Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith (dreamily): Good night, Yuffie.  
  
*The room becomes quiet as everyone drifts off to sleep. Then, someone breaks down the door screaming, with something attached to their foot.*  
  
Barret: AHHHHH!!!!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!  
  
Red XIII (muffled & in his sleep): Chase da bunny…Catch da bunny…Chew da bunny…Chase da bunny…Catch da bunny…Chew da bunny…Chase da bunny…Catch da bunny…Chew da bunny…  
  
*Lights flick on. Red XIII is chewing on Barret's bunny slipper.*  
  
Will everyone quit saying good night? Will Red XIII stop chasing bunnies in his sleep? Will this fanfic end? Read on in our next episode! 


	9. Cait Sith's Ending

Tifa: Barret, calm down! It's only Red XIII!  
  
Cait Sith: Eep!  
  
*He jumps into Yuffie's arms. Cloud walks into the room in a nightshirt & cap, holding a stuffed polar bear wearing a matching outfit.*  
  
Cloud: *Yawn* What's going on?  
  
Aeris: Barret ran in here & woke us up.  
  
Yuffie: & he broke down our door.  
  
*Cloud picks up Red XIII.*  
  
Cloud: You're a good doggie, aren't you? You caught the bunny.  
  
*Red XIII wags his tail.*  
  
Cait Sith: See why I didn't wanna share their room?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah…  
  
*Cloud walks out carrying Red XIII. Barret walks out holding his slobbery bunny slipper.*  
  
Cait Sith: Um…Yuffie? Can I please sleep in your bed tonight, please? I promise I'll be good. Pretty please?  
  
Yuffie: What? No!  
  
Cait Sith: I'll give you this.  
  
*Holds up materia set in a ring.*  
  
Yuffie: What type is it?  
  
Cait Sith: Ice.  
  
Yuffie: Deal! Just don't rip my shirt or anything.  
  
*Takes the ring & drops Cait Sith on the bed.*  
  
Cait Sith: 'kay…*Takes look at Yuffie's shirt.* 'Princess Today, Goddess Tomorrow.'  
  
Yuffie: Yeah. It's my favorite. Well, G'nite.  
  
*Crawls into bed & goes to sleep like everyone else.*  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, nite…  
  
*He checks to make sure everyone's asleep, then kisses Yuffie on the cheek.*  
  
Cait Sith: I luv ya.  
  
Awww, wasn't Cait Sith's ending sweet? But what happened to everyone else? Or do we care? Read on to find out. 


	10. Everyone Else's Ending

*The Guys' Room*  
  
Cloud (in his sleep): I love you, Mister Polar Bear…  
  
Barret (in his sleep): Zzz…Why yes, I am Mister T…  
  
Red XIII (who still has the slipper): Bunny…  
  
*Satellite Room*  
  
Reno: Zzz…cheesecake…  
  
*TV Static*  
  
Reeve: Zzz…  
  
*Roof*  
  
Tseng: Zzz…  
  
*Ground*  
  
Rufus: …..(Never woke up)  
  
*Turks' Office*  
  
Rude: Wow, that Scarlet bitch beat you good.  
  
*Rude is cleaning Elena's injuries.*  
  
Elena: Yeah, but she got hers.  
  
*Scarlet's Bed*  
  
Scarlet (half~asleep): Oh Mister President…That was amazing…  
  
Hojo (imitating Rufus): Yeah, sure was…G'nite…  
  
Scarlet: Mmm…G'nite…  
  
That was everyone elses ending, but was it too scary? Disgusting to think about? Just plain wrong? For those who don't want it to end there, there's one more chapter. 


	11. Cid, Vincent, Sephiroth, & Aura~sama's E...

*Aura~sama's House*  
  
Yay! I'm finished!  
  
*Cid, Vincent, & Sephiroth enter.*  
  
Cid: WHAT'S THE %*(!^+~& IDEA?!?  
  
Whaddaya mean?  
  
Vincent: None of us are in this fanfic at all.  
  
*Sweatdrop*  
  
Are you supposed to be?  
  
Sephiroth: I must be in this fanfic! Or at least Mother should.  
  
Um…Okay, tell ya what: you guys can do whatever you want for the next five minutes.  
  
Cid: THAT'S MORE %*(!^+~& LIKE IT! Vincent, get out the harmonica.  
  
*Vincent & Cid put on pairs of sunglasses & start playing a Blues Brothers song. Sephiroth is just standing there, trying to retain his dignity.*  
  
Okay, five minutes is up.  
  
Sephiroth: Thank God.  
  
Vincent: That was great!  
  
*Sweatdrop*  
  
Cid: YEAH! Now I'm gonna go make love to Shera.  
  
Everyone: O.o' (Major OOC~ness, ne?)  
  
I better end this now…  
  
Sephiroth: Finally…  
  
Yo' mama…  
  
Sephiroth: What'd you say about Mother?  
  
End. 


End file.
